This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
