I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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