she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize