I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
