I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
