im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is the high leading the old right now
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
