Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
