shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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