Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
