my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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