Im at strip club and am horny
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize