you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
