what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
