New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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