I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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