either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
