Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
