I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I understand Curling. That high.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Are my feet made of real feet?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize