Swine flu. Run for my life!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
