she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've blown a few things in my day
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
