That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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