WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
