We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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