bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
are you so shy because you have an std?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
