i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
