I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
