Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
