her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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