Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
