Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
