You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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