Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
