I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
