i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
