Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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