Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize