i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
