Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
