Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
