I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
