Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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