I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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