yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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