did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just had sex on a roof
Randomize
