if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
