fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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