I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
try to milk me bitch
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