Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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