so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
