He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
