I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
