Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
