I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
