dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
