my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
