it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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