her vagina looked like bernie madoff
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
