How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
