last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
