he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
