After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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