I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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