I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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