I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
