So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
