I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
