I need to stop coming to work sober
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
