If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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