I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He passed out mid-signature
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
