I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
