I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize