My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We just shotgunned beers for America
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
