I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
