Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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