I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
