bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
