why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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