I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
