I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Mom said you looked used
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
