My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
