shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
