you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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