there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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