I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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