I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
