also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
