I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
