I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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