she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i believe in u and ur pee
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
