I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
