How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
