if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
