Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
