No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
FUCK WHALES
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize