Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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